AFS

We had a very similar problem with AFS not working effectively to support families and resolve differences. AFS says that switching families is a last resort but what we saw was it is almost a first resort to just make any problem disappear for a time. AFS host families are not involved in the discussion to move, they just swoop in and out of your family with little notice in their comings and goings. It is not very good for a family, but we figured the boy's happiness is more important than ours so we didn't say much (although AFS doesn't ask either). Once we got wind that our student was not happy from AFS and he was proposing a move, we finally just left our student do pretty much whatever he wanted. Had we done that from the start, we probably would have kept our student, but then I don't think we would have been very good parents. At least not what I would have wanted for my child if he was overseas. In our situation, within a month of arriving, our student made a buddy from a much wealthier household that was more in keeping with his high lifestyle. Our student complained to them about our rules and our cooking (which was less rich than he was used too). They in turn complained to AFS and even called the host parents to see if they couldn't take him. The problem seemed to start with my wife requiring from the beginning that he needed to let us know of his comings and goings and he needed to introduce us to his friends so we could look out for him. We didn't have to restrict any though but we did know where he was at. He didn't like this, but we persisted because we had an exchange student the previous year that was very deceptive. After he spent a whole year with us we found out he did alot of drinking and sex with his school friends. Some Europeans, especially among the rich, don't have many morals this way and sadly some of our American school children don't either. We were determined not to let this happen again under our watch. Both boys fit in well while at home with our other children, but were difficult as teens are with maintaining rules at times outside the home. Our first exchange student dealt with our rules with apparent compliance and a generally pleasant demeanor. We thought we had a pretty good year until we learned more about his activities after he left. Our second student dealt with it through endless and often exaggerated complaining from the start to anyone who would listen. We believed the complaints to be pretty unjustified but would have been willing to try to work at it if we would have been informed of it in a straight-forward, truthful way either by the student or AFS. AFS did eventually tell us what they thought was going on but by that time the decision was made by "someone" in AFS that our families just didn't match and that they planned on moving the student to his buddy's family with the complaining mom to try to make him happy. It took them about a month to get their paperwork processed for the new family and he stayed with us for that time so we figured AFS wasn't too concerned. AFS supposedly lists us as a good family yet, but still we felt robbed of an opportunity to help this student with his life. But maybe that is the problem, we were trying to help a student that just wanted his own way. In the end, this exchange program isn't about being a parent for an exchange student as much as AFS is about trying to show even a spoiled teen a good time in the states. We actually really liked having both students in our home, it was just some of what they did outside our home that was troubling to us and the way AFS handles complaints from these teens. This last student was supposedly from a "good" family. I was surprised when the student told me in the end that his parents fought constantly, were very profain, the father was seeing a phsycholgist for depression and had used alcohol and drugs, but they were all very wealthy. None of that was in the application. In those last days it also surprised me what our student told me he had learned from our family in the couple months he was with us. It was very good, as our family does not have problems in some of the areas that challenge his family. We do have some rules though and we are middle-class. I don't think he was yet making the connection between some rules and the things he did like most about our family. I think AFS just allowed too easy a way out for this student and didn't involve us in trying to resolve anything. AFS says they support host families but this was just about non-existant. We won't do AFS again and I don't know if we would do an exchange program again without knowing much more information about the family the student is coming from and what their real motives are for sending their son or daughter to the U.S. My oldest two children have studied abroad while in college and it was valuable, but after a couple high school exchange students, I think they are too young to be without their parents guidance. I think as long as you let the AFS-student do whatever they really want you won't have many problems, the problem is that many teens are not able to handle this well until later in life. In the end, I was left feeling very disappointed in AFS too as you are.