AFS

I am writing this post as a volunteer host family. We are going thru this experience at the moment and I would like to share some things that I have learned. It has not been easy, but we are learning from this experience.

First of all, I would recommend reading about AFS, getting to know your chapter coordinators and doing your research before you accept having a foreign exchange student in your home. Ask a lot of questions about the student and if possible try to see if she/he will be a good match for your family. It can be a very frustrating situation if you get the wrong person. I know that this can be challenging because AFS does not provide a lot of information and in our case, our student did not reply to our e-mails prior to coming to our house nor he did ask any questions about our family and expectations. In our case, we selected this particular student for his interests, but we have not seen much of that so wondering how much of the students' bios is really accurate.

AFS's best interest is to place a student in any family because this is money for the company. They really do not care about the family. As long as you have a nice house and live in a nice area, I learned that this program is expensive. Still cheaper for students, though, because they would have to pay more money if they paid for food or housing. So in some ways, these students get a good deal also.

Second, as a host family talk about expectations you want to have with the foreign exchange student. Having a stranger at home can add stress and frustration plus adding cultural differences even more. Communicate to the student in the beginning what your expectations are in terms of household activities, family relationships, finances, vacations, behaviors in your house. This will reduce headaches. I think that AFS does not do a good job communicating this to the students. You need to set the tone of this experience, will you let the student call you mom, dad, by your name...etc. This is a process and do not expect that this stranger will adapt to your family right away. If you decide to be called mom or dad, make sure that you treat them as such; otherwise, there will be some issues of resentment if there is a difference in treatment between the student and your own children. So it is very important that you decide what you want to do and how you want this person to be included in your family.

AFS tries hard to incorporate the students as part of your family since day one, but this is unrealistic because you do not know this person. It is a process that develops with time as the relationship progresses. Of course, AFS wants that you fall in love with this person and treat them as your own. But, this is a process that develops over time. AFS is unrealistic. This company has a good mission and goals, but unrealistic from day 1.

Finances is a very important topic to discuss. Our student was expecting that we were paying for everything. He thought we were paying for an expensive music instrument for her school. When we told him that his natural family had to pay for it, he did not want to buy the instrument until he checked with them. But, he did not think that way when he thought we were paying for it. Sometimes, he would forget his money when he asked to buy personal supplies and we had to pay so it was awkward at times. So to keep a healthy relationship and avoid resentments, communicate to your student and set expectations. Advice them and offer some suggestions about how they can budget themselves and what they need to pay for. Some of these kids are too young and had never dealt with money issues so they come to you expecting that you will take care of them. But, it is important that you set some boundaries in the beginning to avoid frustrations and resentments.

In our case, our student who never took the time to ask questions or answer our emails prior to his visit, came with very high expectations. He thought he would make a lot of American friends right away and that he would go on trips every weekend. Kind of like a tour travel agency. We provide food, housing, restaurant outings, movie outings, free transportation, we decided to bring her along with our family on vacations all paid by us and yet feel like it has not been enough. (By, the way, you are not required to bring students on vacation with you. This was a personal choice we made). He has also found out that it has not been so easy to make friends in High School right away as he thought. Of course, if depends on the student's personality and cultural adjustment. But, you may need to help with this also by introducing to other people and providing experiences that could lead to more friendships.

I think that some of these students forget that we are volunteers and that we do not get paid for anything. On the contrary, we have paid out of our own pocket for a lot of things. They forget that we are families who have to work also and have responsibilities to pay bills to keep a house. In our experience, I think that some of these students have no idea about the amount of work and money involved to host them in our homes. But, as I said, we are volunteers and we did it because we wanted to help.

This AFS experience has some nice things like exchanging some cultural information and learning about different cultures, which is nice. But, overall it is more work than what you think. It is a big responsibility and you are left on your own. You will also be a counselor at times, you may have to deal with temper tantrums like in our case with our student (as any other teenager), cultural differences, misunderstandings...etc

Yes, AFS provides some mandatory student events and they are required to call you to check on the student every month. But, that is pretty much it. They do not care about anything else. If your family is having some difficulties, this is your problem not theirs.

If you are really interested in hosting a student, do your research before hand. Having the right person in your house can make a huge difference. It could turn into a positive experience for the whole family or a nightmare where you get stuck with this strange person for a year and you will just hope that it is over soon as in some of the posts I have read.

For foreign exchange students, I would recommend the same, do your research and ask a lot of questions before you decide to live with a family. If you do not ask questions, you may come with very high expectations to find out that this experience is not what you thought it would be and there will be disappointment on both sides. So read, investigate, research about the culture and adjust your expectations if you decide to go to a family.

Overall, we are not very impressed by this AFS company. We will not be hosting any other students in our home. I think that once is enough for us. Good Luck to you all!